Hurry! Get my machete!

So I just bought a machete, actually 2 machetes. I bought them for gardening work but they could come in handy in case I get the chance to rid the world of evil, if it happens to come my way. And it just might, so I'll be ready.

Hi-Ya!

A few weeks ago, I read an article about co-dependents and thought of my ex-husband. It fit him to a T. But so does Narcissistic, Autistic, OCD, etc (I'm sure my sister-in-law could come up with a nice list for me ) 

Lame

Anyways, I have been very curious as to whether he and his wife are still together and so I used this article as an excuse to find out. I sent it to her and said,  "I don't know if this is still applicable but I read this and thought of you and me and the person that we both married. Hope you are well."  She wrote back and said that she was still living in Hell. We wrote back and forth a few times and honestly I was kind of amused because she has been with him for almost a year and a half and has taken him back 3 times now. When will the woman stop believing his lies and allowing him to sweet talk her? 

So, then I get an email from my ex. He is full of his usual blah blah blah. It was so funny, especially the part where he said that if I didn't stop writing to his wife then he was going to have to contact my Stake President. 

Seriously? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE contact my Stake President! I am sure that he would be grateful for the opportunity to tell you AGAIN that you are devoid of the spirit. 

He also said that I was trying to brainwash his wife. HA! Lame is KING of brainwashing. He could have worked for Hitler. ( Actually, now that I think of it, I am trying to brainwash her. I am trying to wash her brain clean of all the crap he has been dumping into her mind and heart for the last year and a half. )

He went on to say that I would be held accountable to God for interfering in his sacred marriage relationship. Well, I certainly hope I DO get credit for helping this poor woman escape from his crazy schemes. It will be one of the better things I do in this life.

At the end he said, "If you can not say anything nice, then at least pray for me."

I do buddy.....every day.....that you get hit by a bus!

I was going to put up a picture of a man being hit by a bus but since this is a family blog, I chose this instead. Reminded me of the time he instructed me on how to properly replace the toilet paper roll.

Since I don't like seeing his name in my inbox, I decided to cool it. But a few days later I received another email from his wife asking me how I did it....HOW did I get him out of my life??? So I gave her some basic instruction and hoped for the best. A few days later she told me that his bags were packed but that he had locked himself in her bedroom for 2 days. 

Help! My wife is starving me!

She overheard a phone conversation he had with his brother where he said that he was going to call immigration (she lives in Canada) and tell them that she wasn't feeding him. He also said that if she divorced him, then he was going to try and get $5000 from her for all the work he did around her house. Huh? What work? Lame doesn't work!

Today she called me and we spoke for an hour. She didn't know HOW to get him out of her house but she had an appointment with her bishop that night. Great! 

Now the best part.....During the conversation she told me that Lame thought that I was trying to sabotage their marriage because I still had feelings for him and regretted letting him go and that I was hoping that we could get back together.  

What the...?!?!?!

I have been laughing ever since!!! 

And so, after he is divorced yet again, he might show up at my door, thinking that I want him. That's when the machete will come in handy. I'd send one to his wife if I thought it would help.

Hi, my name is Donna and I married a psycho!

:o)